#77 New study by Donaldson Adoption Institute

January 23, 2017 at 10:39 am | Posted in Adoption differences, adoption issues, Adoptive parenting do's, Is this forever?, Raising the adopted child | Leave a comment

The Donaldson Adoption Institute has recently released a new report titled “Adoption in America Today: The Good, The Bad, and a Path to Reform”.

 

The report came up with several significant findings, but it was the first one listed that caught my eye – “Adoption is Not a One-Time Transaction”.

 

They go on to say “It is a lifelong journey for the entire family…..a transformational experience that lasts a lifetime”.

 

I doubt there is an adoptive family out there who has not heard from friends and family comments to the effect that now that the adoption process is finalized, and the child has a happy home with loving parents, he or she should be happy with no issues or problems.  Oh, if only it was that easy!  I’ve heard comments like that even from some who are in the adoption world, from those who fail to accept the issues that go along with adoption.

 

Once we understand what our children have experienced (being taken from their birth mother), and accept that, then we are on our way to knowing what to do to nurture and protect our children.  Some think love alone is the answer.  Love has to be there, but compassion, knowledge, and understanding of our children’s very unusual needs are essential to raising a healthy child in a healthy family.  Hiding and pretending issues don’t exist are unfair to the adopted child.

 

Often the adopted child feels his existence is tenuous within his adoptive family.  Adoptive parents don’t feel that, but need to know their child might.  He might be anxious about his life, afraid of being alone in the future, and angry that he’s been put in that position.  Adopted children often exhibit more anger than biological children, and this can be caused by what he perceives to be his insecure position within the family.  Adoptive parents must reinforce over and over that their family is a forever deal.  The adopted child is an important and permanent part of their family.  He needs to be told this until he believes it – and then have that thought reinforced over and over again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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