#49 – A shared e-mail

April 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm | Posted in Adoptive parenting do's, Raising the adopted child | Leave a comment
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I received the email below from an adoptive mother and asked her permission to share it on this blog.  She shared her insight gained one day after a friend’s suggestion.

“I was complaining to a friend of mine how overworked I feel and how many of my days are difficult.  She responded with, “I want you to make me a promise.  I want you to do nothing tomorrow but those things which give you joy.”  I was startled as I thought there weren’t many things that I did that were joyful.  I asked her if she had ever had such a day and she answered that she had, and it was wonderful.  I promised her I’d try.


As I awoke the next morning I knew I’d have to make my kid’s breakfast and get them off to school.  This was usually a stressful time with my nagging at them that they’d miss the school bus if they didn’t hurry.  It seemed to me that they never did hurry.


I knew I had to go through this morning routine, but it wasn’t a joyful time.  Then I thought what if I made it a joyful time.  I decided to change my thought and see if I could enjoy that early morning challenge.  I looked at my 8 year old son and 11 year old daughter with love and appreciation when they came into the kitchen.  I thought how blessed I was to have them as my children.  This brought me joy.  They seemed to be in better moods and the early morning process went smoothly.


Throughout the day I was faced with many tasks (I have a small business and I work from home) and each time I questioned if I enjoyed it or not.  Sometimes the answer was ‘yes’ and sometimes it was ‘no’, but when it was ‘no’ and it absolutely had to be done, I tried to see if there was a glimmer of joy in the process.  I found there was.  I was blessed to be able to work from home doing something that I liked, even though some aspects of it weren’t easy.


When my children came home from school, I was well into my experimental day.  There are many chores we have daily that don’t bring us joy, but they need to be done.  Each time I encountered one of those chores, I asked myself where the joy was  – and each time I was able to find some.  Often it was in gratitude for our family, for the love and harmony we shared, one time it was joy in being able to drive to the grocery store instead of having to walk.


Cooking is one of my least favorite things to do, but while fixing dinner I was aware of the healthy food I was able to put on the table to help my kids grow up strong and healthy.  When my son asked for help with his homework, I was tired, but then I found joy in the fact that he had a mother who was there for him.


That day was really a lesson for me.  I found I had a choice – not in the things I had to do – but in the attitude with which I did them.  This was not what my friend was getting at when she asked me to do only things that brought me joy, but I realized I could be getting much more joy each day out of my life.  It was up to me.


This doesn’t have a specific tie to adoptive parenting, but it helped me greatly and I wanted to share it with you.  I’m not perfect every day, but I find much more joy in my days now, and I see the effect it has on my family.”


I think this e-mail speaks for itself and I think it does have a lot to do with parenting. We are parents every day of our lives, and if we can find more joy in each day, just think how we can influence our families.  Something to ponder – – –


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