Issue #30 – Factual Differences Revisited

September 20, 2011 at 11:25 am | Posted in Adoption differences, Adoptive parenting do's, Raising the adopted child | Leave a comment
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I’ve noticed in my blog that the most read issue, by far, is the one about factual differences between biological and adopted children.  This has surprised me and pleased me.

We as adoptive parents appear to spend years trying to meld our (sometimes diverse) family members into a cohesive unit.  I imagine mothers feel this pressure more than fathers. At times, we try to fight ‘nature’ with our ‘nurture’. At the beginning we want to be a family just like other families.  In many ways we are naturally, but when there are obvious differences within our family, these can disturb us, making us work all the harder to become a whole unit.

Biological families don’t understand this because any diversity within their ranks is looked upon (usually) as interesting.  They know that not all of their biological children are going to be carbon copies of each other.  I think often adoptive parents look upon our family diversities as something that has to be dealt with, perhaps adjusted, so that we appear more homogeneous to the outside world.

For that reason I’m pleased that those of you who have gone to the #1 post about factual differences between adopted and biological children are realizing there are, indeed, differences.  You may be going there because you are upset with the lack of conformity within your family or you may be going there to hopefully gain enlightenment as to just why there is so much diversity in personality, talents, etc.

The whole world is diversified.  Our friends are diversified.  The people we work with are diversified.  Why shouldn’t our families be just as diversified?  Being different from one another has nothing to do with the love or lasting factor.  Appreciation of every human being is something we all should be aware of.  Believe it or not, this should include our adopted children.  They don’t need to be like us, they don’t need to like the things we like, do the things we do.

Many of the posts in this blog discuss why our families are different.  In Insight Into Adoption,  many of these differences are discussed, all from a realistic and positive viewpoint.  The subtitle of the first edition is “What Adoptive Parents Need to Know about the Fundamental Differences Between a Biological and an Adopted Child – and its Effect on Parenting.  The subtitle of the second edition (which is identical to the first edition, but has 50 additional pages of information) is “Uncovering and Understanding the Heart of Adoption”.

In August of 2016 a third edition of Insight Into Adoption came out.  This issue has the subtitle of ‘How the Adoption Effect Impacts Families’.  And , we all know very well that adoption issues impact us – often coming out of left field.  This third edition delves  into the reasons for the differences in our adopted children and ourselves (if we were not adopted ourselves).  The reasons go back to the development of the baby in the womb and then being removed forever from the familiar heartbeat and rhythm of its birth mother.  In my opinion this is the key to our children.  So many issues subconsciously are caused by this loss.  Current research is proving the importance of this – a fact that has not been explored in past years.

The core beauty of living in a world with adoption is recognizing our differences, embracing them, understanding them,  and appreciating that we all are unique – and yes, this even includes our children.  Honor the differences, value the differences, enjoy the differences!


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