#2 – Sense of belonging

March 29, 2011 at 11:49 pm | Posted in Is this forever? | Leave a comment
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Biological children inherently know they belong to their families – like it or not, that’s where they belong.  Adopted children don’t have that automatic bond. They arrived on this earth through another woman and were then placed by human beings into a different family.  We as adoptive parents know they belong to us, but when times are tough for an adopted child, he doesn’t always feel the comfort of knowing he can fall back into the loving arms of his family.

We need to tell them.  This sounds so elementary, but I’ve heard from many adult adoptees that as adolescents they didn’t feel the support of their parents if they messed up somehow. Parents didn’t say this or insinuate this, but for some adoptees, this thought just comes with the territory of being adopted.  They thought their adoptive parents were thinking that any biological child they might have had would provide more exemplary behavior.  The adoptees felt their parents’ disappointment and went a step further and brought the adoption factor into the situation.

A biological child can feel this same disappointment, but he knows he gets to stay.  It’s inherent in our society that you are part of the family you’re born into – forever.  We must impart this to our adopted children all along their way.  It’s awkward to make an issue of this when we, as parents, know that of course our children will be our children forever.  It doesn’t matter to us if they are adopted or biological, adoption is forever.

Experts in the field (adult adoptees) tell us this is not the feeling they always have.  We as adoptive parents must instill in our children, through good times and rough times, that a family stays together and loves each other – always.

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