#5 – Identity

March 29, 2011 at 11:57 pm | Posted in Differences -adopted child and biological child, Identity issues | Leave a comment
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While growing up, part of a child’s identity is that he is from a certain family with certain characteristics.  The adopted child does not have this part of the puzzle in working out his identity.  He was ‘artificially’ placed in a family which may or may not have been similar to his biological family.  He knows that is his family, but when times get tough and he doubts himself, he can wonder just who he really is.

It is so very imperative that we instill in our adopted children that we all are responsible for our own identity. No matter what family we come from, or don’t come from, it’s up to each and every one of us to explore our own path to find out who we are and where we belong.  Everyoneshould do this, but with an adoptee, it is essential.  Adoptive parents have the privilege of walking along side their child who is not bound by family expectations or limitations.  The sky is the limit for him since he usually has no idea what inherent talents lie in his original family.

As your child is growing up, periodically ask him to describe himself.  If he doesn’t have an answer, you as a parent have some work to do.  Does he spell well, keep his room neat, throw a ball well, whatever…….  Our adopted children need to know they (with our support) are in charge of their identity.  Then, when life gets a little tough, they will have the confidence of knowing who they are and will be better fortified to overcome obstacles.


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